for a little prayer? There is something possibly going on in our lives and I’d really like to see it happen. Just the thought of it makes me tremendously happy and I can’t help but hope for it to work out. Thanks .

it’s been a long time .

I think I’ll just jump right in here, though, and start. We went to a funeral yesterday. My great aunt Marie, who had been in bad health for a few years, passed away Saturday morning. She was the last sibling of her family alive and the sister of my mother’s father. Because neither my mother’s mother or father were really very interested in taking care of my mother, she was raised by her grandparents, in the house with Aunt Marie and Aunt Marie was just the right age to be her Mom so they were really close. I can remember so many times, though, when Mom was sick, Aunt Marie telling me (she was repetitive because she was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s) that my Mom used to call her Mom and she’d chastise her for it, telling her “I’m not your Mama”…but I do believe that in my Mom’s younger years, Marie was about as close to a Mom as my Mom had.

Marie married once, for a few years, but her husband didn’t live up to her expectations (I think he could have been a bit of a slacker) so she divorced him. She was always very independent. Sharon, who I will talk more about later, said in her eulogy yesterday that her daughters would tell you that they recall their summer vacations being spent wherever Marie was living at the time and our memories of summer vacation are the same as theirs. Marie managed apartments for a real estate developer so she lived in several different states throughout her life. I can remember visiting her in Texas, Georgia and Colorado. At some point in her life, she had a tenant who was an elderly lady with no family. From what I understand, this lady drank a bit, as she was retired and lonely. She broke her hip and I believe that Aunt Marie was the one who found her. From that point, Aunt Marie befriended her and she became part of our family so much so that I actually recall visiting Aunt Marie and “Aunt Catharine” when we made our trips.

Eventually, Marie retired and moved back here to be near family. I’m pretty sure Aunt Catharine had passed away before Marie moved back. Marie bought a house trailer and it was placed next door to Sharon, her niece, her brother’s daughter. When my Mom was in the nursing home, Sharon and Marie visited her very regularly. To be fair, they were much closer in proximity to the facility than my sister and I were, but still, I truly appreciate the fact that they were always there for her. Sharon’s mother ended up in the same facility and after that, they saw Mom even more. They visited her in hospice several times as well, and it was during that time that it became apparent to my sister and I that Marie was most likely developing Alzheimer’s.

Sharon’s mother passed away only a few weeks after our Mom. I have to be honest and say that I was not happy with Mother’s service and when I attended Juanita’s, it touched me much more deeply than our Mom’s did, so much so that I shed many more tears there. I’m sure my tears were for the loss of my own mother and I know that the family knew that, too, but they were very understanding of that fact and knew that my tears were genuine, regardless of which loss I was shedding them for.

When Marie’s health began to steadily decline, there was no discussion that I know of of putting her in a nursing home. Sharon took care of her. Day and night, always there, whatever Marie needed, Sharon took care of. She had rare breaks as she did have a daughter who was married with children and lived about three hours away. She had some help and was able to go visit her daughter on rare occasions, never staying away for more than a few hours at a time. She has a sister who came every Wednesday night to let Sharon go to church. But it was Sharon who was there the biggest part of the time. Marie was bedridden for over three years, and never once did I ever hear mention of Marie going anywhere else…she stayed in her trailer, next door to Sharon and her husband, until the very end. That’s the part that amazes me, I suppose. Sharon was so dedicated to Marie’s care that her entire life revolved around it. She didn’t take vacations. She didn’t even go out to dinner. Everything she did was planned around making sure someone could be there with Marie. I suppose it was like having a small child again, really. But I sat there yesterday, listening to Sharon read Marie’s eulogy, thinking what a truly amazing person she is to have dedicated herself so completely to ensuring that Marie could spend her last years at home, where she was comfortable, being taken care of in the best possible manner. She could easily have placed her in a nursing home. Certainly, it would have been less work for her…but she didn’t do it. She saw to every need that Marie had, with the help of hospice workers that came to the house. She spent the last few years being completely responsible for Marie’s care, to the point that she had a video monitoring system installed next door and had monitors throughout her house so she could be constantly keeping an eye on Marie, even when she wasn’t in the room with her. I am amazed at her dedication, truly in awe of the sacrifices she made to be sure that Marie had the best possible care until the very end. Some part of me feels guilty, I can’t help it, because we didn’t do that for Mom, but I can’t go there. I can’t let myself feel that way because I had two small children at the time mother’s health was in decline and simply wasn’t able to do it. I could have done more than I did, but then not many people in the world can look back on a situation like that and not feel the same way about it. I won’t let seeing the amazing dedication that Sharon had to Marie make me feel guilty about not doing more for Mom, I know none of them would want that. But what I can do is be completely and totally amazed by her strength and her dedication. I don’t know that I’ll ever know anyone who could be a better example of love and devotion to another person in a completely and totally selfless manner. As I listened to her yesterday and watched her throughout the service, I couldn’t help but wish that there were more people like her in the world, more people who would give of themselves so unselfishly, for the benefit of someone else. I know she’d be embarrassed about this, she didn’t see herself as some kind of saint for doing what she did. I don’t see her as a saint, either, but rather as an angel, one sent just for Marie, to take care of her for her last few years on this earth. I am truly in awe of her strength and willingness to sacrifice years of her own life to take care of a loved one and can only hope that I can take some of what I see in her and bring it into my own life, allow myself to be inspired by her dedication to her loved ones, strive to be a better example of unfailing and unconditional love to my own family and loved ones and when I think I’m having a hard day, when my two kids are getting on my very last nerve, remember how blessed I am and dig a little deeper to find the patience I need, knowing that if she was capable of being as entirely devoted and selfless as she was, I can surely find a way to demonstrate some of those qualities that I so admire in her in my everyday life.

but that’s no surprise. I’m so not good at this . Just feeling a need to say something today. Thinking of doing a redesign, but not sure I want to. Thinking of just creating a new blog more related to my new job and what I do, thinking I want to do something that really feels creative today, knowing my kids will need to get out of the house, not wanting to spend $30 just to drive to town to spend even more money on things we don’t need. Wow, thinking too much, I guess. Just a quickie to say I’m still here and hope everyone is well.

can’t I just scrap and stay away from all the garbage that goes along with it? I have friends that have successfully made the jump back to their hobby and away from the drama, yet I feel compelled to somehow involve myself in the community. I wish I could understand it. I think I just need to go get a real job, LOL, and that will keep me from being here with so much time to think about it.

Gosh, we’ve been sick this week. Sunday, Bailey had a tummy bug. Sunday midnight Casey did, too, but he felt better by Monday AM. Monday we stayed home and rested, but Tuesday, I had the bug…and it was like a mutant, three stories high with seventeen legs bug. It was awful, kicked my tail! Well, I was in bed most of the day on Tuesday and then when we got up on Wednesday, Casey acted like he felt bad. He just laid around all day and got hotter and hotter…accompanied by a rash. Yep, you guessed it, strep…with a side of borderline pneumonia. All this on our Winter Break! Poor kids. Anyway, they are feeling better today and we have MIL’s birthday party to go to so it should be an interesting day, to say the least. Oh, and on a side note, why can’t my DH understand the importance of plumbing? We’ve had problems since we moved into this house and we’ve had a plumber come out and clean the line a couple of times, but the problem keeps coming back. Today, when the kids were trying to get ready to go, the shower wouldn’t drain…ugh. I don’t feel like I can just take it into my own hands because it isn’t our house and isn’t our bill, but I am very frustrated with this situation.

Yeah, I know, I seem to just come here to vent, sorry. I’m having a bad day and needed to tell somebody about it…thanks for listening .

First, I’m no longer at SBG. Designing has not been my priority for a very long time and I actually find that I feel better about scrapping when I’m not designing. I have a few of my things in my own store and will add others as I have time, but am not making it a priority because, well, they don’t sell. Anyway, Maya and I agreed that it would be better to offer my studio spot to someone who is actively designing and promoting. I left on a good note and have nothing bad to say about Maya or SBG. I’ve enjoyed working with such a talented group of ladies.

Next, my big project:

I really want this to be a great resource for our community and I hope people use it and help make it what it has the potential to be. There’s lots of information, but not too many links, yet, as I am just now feeling it is ready to open to the public. However, right now most designers are so distracted with this horrible piracy thing that I hesitate to pop into the Designer area and post about it for fear it will disappear under the black cloud. Feel free to discuss it, send people over, all that great stuff, I’d appreciate the help letting people know about it. I need to make a blinkie or two, I’ll post them here when I do.

Thanks as always for reading!

Casey & Camron, his best pal from Texas:

Bailey and the cheerleaders:

It feels SOOO good to scrap! I really want to make the kids a hardbound book about our time in Texas and these pages are a good start.

Must go grocery shop and go to the bank this morning so the scrapping must wait for a while. Hope you have a great day!

and they did fine. Here’s a (not-so-great) photo of them out front:

They did end up in the same class, thankfully. Their teacher seems nice and sent home a letter today that made my day, telling me how very bright, very well behaved and very polite they were. They had a “test” today and one made a 100 and one made a 96, which tells me they’re right on track with (or ahead of) the new school, so that was nice to see. They made friends and overall had a great day. We’ll still miss our wonderful Texas school and all the incredibly nice people we met there, but I think we’re gonna be okay. I also found out about dance class for Bailey (she was doing it before we moved to Texas, but there were just no good places for her to go there) and she will be starting next Monday. I’m excited for her about that. Oh, and I got in the web based class I needed to get in for both my JBU degree and a requirement for my teacher’s license as well. The stars seem to be aligned and the Heavens seem to be smiling down on us. We appreciate all the prayers and good thoughts for us from everyone. They seem to be working!

Off to sleep now, gotta get up and take the kiddos to school and then go get my ID/password for my online class. Have a great day tomorrow!

as much as possible. When you downsize like we did, you are presented with a whole new set of challenges to overcome, but we’re doing okay. DH has been EXTREMELY busy with the new job, trying to take this operation from a hobby herd to a well-organized and managed cattle ranch. I have been feeling like a single parent for the last week or so and I’d like to say that it will get better, but it probably won’t. He isn’t happy if he isn’t doing something work related a large percentage of the time so, to use a word that Debi chose as her one word for 2008, I’ve decided that acceptance of this is what I need to find and I’m working on that. Of course, that doesn’t mean we won’t encourage him to spend time with us and do family things like we did while we were in Texas, but my expectations will be lower and we will simply make plans for us and if he is able to join us, that will be great, but we won’t wait on his availability to make plans. I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, I don’t mean for it to, but it’s just reality and the sooner we start making the best of the situation, the sooner we can get into a routine that works for us.

I did just sign up for a Big Picture Scrapbooking class that Noel mentioned on her blog and it sounds like fun. I nice jump start from someone that isn’t inside the digital community, of which I’ve grown so tired. I started a nice blog, peaceloveandscraps.com, to highlight some good stuff in the community, but the move got me off track. Hopefully, after the kids go back to school, I’ll have a bit more time again and can get back to it and hopefully, it will attract some readers. We’ll see.

We’re going across the street (literally) to my sister’s house for some New Years Day blackeyed-peas and then we’ll be back home for an early bath and bed for the kiddos and my first page for the LOAD challenge that I signed up for at BPS. Hope you have a nice evening and your new year starts off wonderfully!

as if my titles are all catchy, LOL, but couldn’t think of one so I’ll just start typing. Thanks for the comments on my last post. Kelley, C & B are already looking forward to seeing Ben. The new bosses closed today on the house they bought for us to live in so that’s a done deal. I have reservations about the school, but will either live with it or get mad and pull them out, though we really can’t afford that. My hope is to be in the Master of Arts in Teaching program this Fall so I can teach at the school. We’ll see how that goes when we get there.

Here’s the problem with the school…I called a few weeks ago, just to feel things out, because there was at least a possibility we’d be moving there. I spoke to the principal, who was nice, understanding of the huge change for the kiddos, said we’d “try to work something out” to get the kiddos in the same class. Well, when I called last week, he told me he couldn’t put them together. Not because there’s a policy of splitting up twins…but because the teachers all have the same number of students right now and if one teacher got two new ones while no one else got any, that teacher might be mad. Seriously? I was floored. I asked who this was about, the teachers or the students. Well, for that conversation, I was talking to the assistant principal. In the same conversation I was told that they didn’t send out paperwork ahead of time because they’ve done it before and had people not send it back. Okay, um, so they spent a dime on black and white copies and .41 on a stamp? Geez, Louise, I’m really concerned about this school right now. Anyway, the assistant said she’d “work on him” for me, referring to the principal, but I’m pretty worked up about the whole situation. It’s bad enough that they’re going from a school with 12 kindergarteners, where everyone knows them and they know everyone, to a school with over a hundred kindergarteners. The schedule is totally different, the classrooms will be different, they will spend alot more time at a desk than they have been so far, EVERYTHING will change. Is it so much to ask to at least let them keep each other in the classroom? Oh, and then he said he’d let us see the school over the break, but he couldn’t ask a teacher to come in and meet us. Well, I didn’t really expect that, but it would be nice if we could at least know which room they’ll be in…but he said he couldn’t assign them until we showed up on Monday morning. Yes, I’m worried about the school. If this is representative of how they handle their students and parents, I’m just not sure I have alot of confidence in how my children will be treated. So, yes, there’s good and bad in everything and there’s the bad. The good, we’ll be closer to family and friends and working for some awesome people…I just have to figure out a way to make the best of the bad and keep everyone happy. Wish me luck!

but here I am. How’s everyone? Getting ready for Christmas? Well, we are in a way…packing. Yep, it’s true. DH just isn’t happy here and the family really misses us so we’re headed back to Arkansas. As with most things in life, there are good and bad things about it. Bad, we’re leaving an absolutely incredible school. Good, we’re going to live across the street from my sister and her DH, at least for a while. Bad, we have to move again. Good, we’re going to work for a couple that is like family to us so we know it’s a good move for our family. Bad, bigger school. Good, teaching opportunity for me. So, all in all, it will be good. I’m just ready to get through it. We’ll be moving the weekend before Christmas. I had thought we wouldn’t put up a tree at all, but then I decided to put up a small one so we at least have something. We’ll actually be spending Christmas Eve at MIL’s house since we won’t be even nearly moved in and unpacked, yet. Anyway, I got some stuff to make Christmas decorations for the three today so that’s what me and the kiddos will be doing. Oh, and I got the stuff to try Giada’s Italian Doughnuts, though we’ll be doing the cinnamon/sugar and confectioner’s sugar toppings only. I plan to spend some time AWAY from this computer today and enjoy Sunday with my babies.

They’re taking it fine, BTW. You know, at this age, they’re pretty resilient. My nephew’s stepson goes to the same school they’ll go to, though he is a couple of years ahead, so that helps. It also helps that the one little guy that Casey considers his best friend in the world also lives in the town we’re moving to, even though he doesn’t go to public school. C & B are already looking forward to spending some time with Ben. They’ll be fine, even their teacher, who hates to see them go, said so.

On the scrapping front, not much activity lately. I have had a lack of mojo, but hopefully it will be back soon. I did design a couple of things, including a completely new kit:

and a rework of my original Snow Daze:

I also did a couple of quick tumbler inserts with these two kits. Here they are:

Okay, enough shameless self-promotion there. If I can find the time and figure out a good way to do it, I’ll probably give away a few of these. I just need to get the technical aspects in place and I don’t think it will be today. I guess I should send out some ads or something, I’m not sure any of those things has sold at all. Once again, I get inspired to create, put things up and they don’t sell. You’d think I’d take a hint, huh? I know, I know. I am still struggling with this. I really want to enjoy scrapping as much as I once did, but it’s changed so much. Debi wrote a great post about it, I hope she doesn’t mind if I share it with you because it sums up what I feel, too…and I have to think there are lots of people feeling this way, but we’re not sure what to do about it. I have searched and searched for a place where it feels like it used to, but I just can’t find one. Of course I have the resources to make one, but why? It’s so hard to get people to come, it’s not worth the struggle. I don’t know, I’m not sure what needs to happen, but I just don’t find the satisfaction in scrapping and designing that I once did and that saddens me. It was the first real true hobby I ever had and I hate that part of the joy has been sucked out of it like it has. Anyway, I’ll decide what to do at some point and probably try something new, only to see it not work out, LOL. But, like someone said about my DH, I’m not happy if I’m not in the middle of something. Maybe I’ll do it just for the sake of doing it, we’ll see.